so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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