No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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