This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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