Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
