Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize