I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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