its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My breasts were aching with rage.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
