oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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