If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
