Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
