WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
