I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
