How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
