CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
