Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Randomize
