We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
