your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
