In America we eat man semen.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
