writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
