Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize