I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
