She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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