When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize