Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
