do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
