she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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