WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
