my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
