Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
