Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
