I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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