i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think I won the penis lottery.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
