Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
