CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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