barbara walters just said penis...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
