i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize