North Korea, Best Korea!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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