Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
