Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
