I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
