im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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