Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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