If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
