I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize