I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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