If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's shark week go big or go home
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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