We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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