Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
