If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
