you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
