i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
