You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
