i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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