I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
