how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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