pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
