Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
