woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
