Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
