i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
