HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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