so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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